4 wks old!

Hello All,

Taylor is now 4wks old! She is doing well. I am guessing she is a bit over 8lbs now. She has just started to respond with facial expressions on occasion and little coos, which is really cute. We love her smile, it lights up her whole face. I will try to capture it in a photo when I can. Enjoy these pics for now.

Attitude of Gratitude

Here are some tidbits from the study I have been doing on Attitude- specifically complaining and thankfulness. The idea in the first two chapters is to get rid of complaining and replace it with thankfulness. Are you a complainer? I didn't realize how much of a complainer I was until I read this book and started this study and really let it all sink in for a while. I knew my attitude wasn't great, hence getting the study in the first place, but I didn't realize how bad it was. I became much more disgusted with it. Anyway, take from these quotes from the study, "Lord Change my Attitude before it's too Late", what you can as you read and let the Lord speak to you...

"When you have a complaining attitude, the Spirit of God is not in control of your heart and everything that comes out of your mouth is from the human point of view."

"When you give voice to a negative attitude, more often it is to get affirmation, sympathy, or advice to fill your cup. Your complaining is totally self-centered..."

"The root of complaining is unbelief."

"Train yourself to listen for that whine in your voice, to repent immediately, and to turn your grumbles into praise."

"Only when we acknowledge God as the gracious provider of general blessings, like life and breath, food and shelter, do we begin to comprehend our need for God in a personal way and begin to express faith in Him."

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~ Melody Beattie

"In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich."

I still have a little ways to go in the thankfulness part of the study but wanted to share some of what i was getting.

Hot and Holy

Hey go check out my Pastor's recent blog from today about the lesson for this Sunday on sex and marriage ... www.pathood.org

Chrissy

Be Thankful

Ok, I know I wrote that last blog in a rush, there were so many errors I had to go back and fix them, I should have an editor, lol. I also left out some stuff. Although it ends up being a good thing cuz one of the things I left out, I now have more stuff to add on to. It is so funny how things will all start piling up and adding on to each other when we are studying something in the word of God. If you have your eyes and ears open, you will be blessed with so much wisdom, joy, and peace. I just love it when it seems like a bunch of "random coincidences" happen and we get a chance to grow and see God in a new light and come to a deeper place with Him. I hope this doesn't sound all scattered as I have a lot to say so try to stay with me, here we go...

In the last post I talked about love being a gift. Well, what do you have to do with a gift when it is presented to you? You must accept it. If you never take hold of the gift, then you never have it. (Which if you have never accepted the gift of Jesus from God then please talk to me about how you can do that) How good are you at accepting gifts or compliments or anything for that matter? Do you shrug things off by saying things like, you shouldn't have, or you didn't have to do that? Do you toss things aside or make the gift feel useless or rejected? According to the expert that was on Oprah the other day, women need to become better takers. Let that sink in for a bit. We want our men to be getter givers, but we also need to become better takers.

In both the Oprah epsidode I mentioned in the other post and the TBN show I mentioned a while back, the "experts" were saying how most men are naturally takers and most women are naturally givers. That we were wired this way. Think about your own relationships, does this seem to be true in your life? I know it is in mine. It was interesting to hear this being presented as the norm and that it was okay for the "balance" in the relationship to be this way. I mean I know I have griped many a times because I didn't feel Erick wasn't as giving, thoughtful, and helpful as I thought he should be. But in reality women, are we really looking for our men to be just like us? I really love doing things for my husband. I love making him feel special, easing his plateload when I can, taking part in the things he enjoys, encouraging him in his endeavors, giving advice and counsel, making things easier for him, etc... Especially when we were dating and first married. I fell in love with him and my loving him and wanting to be with him didn't really have as much to do with the way he made me feel or the things he did for me as it did about the way I felt for him and the things I wanted to do for him. I chose him and I wanted to be everything for him, to see all the desires of his heart come to pass, to help him in his journey with the Lord and push him to be his best, to help everyone else see the jewel I had discovered. My focus was not on myself and what I was getting, my love had everything to do with a giving and loving spirit. Not that he did anything to earn this from me, it was a compelling desire from within that gave me this attitude. (Now of course I desire to feel loved and cherished and special and to know that he thinks of me often and I would never turn it down when it came my way, but I don't expect it to be given to me as often as I feel like giving it out to him. And that is perfectly fine with me. I do not feel it needs to be "even" in the sense of who is giving what, but I do expect to receive his love in these ways more than just on occassion.) When we were dating and "in love" I didnt consume myself with the fact that the give-take balance was off. I knew he loved me and wanted to be with me despite that fact. It didn't make me want to stop being so giving or get angry at him because he wasn't more giving. I just loved him and acted on that love.

When we get married, this giving spirit is sometimes easily dimmed. We start becoming selfish and putting the focus on ourself and if our needs are being met and what our spouse is doing for us. Why does that happen? I believe it is a focus issue. If your focus was on God and because of that focus you were being filled by the spirit on a continual basis, then that is why you had such a great giving loving spirit for your spouse. If your focus was on your mate and how happy he/she made you feel then you were on an emotional high when dating and that is why you were in such a giving loving place. Now, when our focus is on anything but God, our emotional high from that thing will eventually wear off. And sometimes when we have been focused on God and he gives us an incredible blessing or gift we have wanted for so long, we will tend to take off on our own with that gift and in doing so we lose our focus on Him and it shifts to the gift.

This is what happened in my case. What we need to be careful of is taking our main focus off of God and putting it onto our spouse. When our spouse and their needs start coming before the Lord in our life, then all kinds of problems will crop up. When you are not focused on the Lord and living in His spirit, then the fruits of the spirit will not be abounding in your life. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control are hard for us as humans to live in day to day without the spirit. We can not just take the things of the Lord and then run off with them and expect to be able to handle them on our own and be successful and happy. I mean if you never eat then you will get tired and drained and run out of energy and eventually you will die. And if you stop going to work then you will stop getting money to live on and prolly fired. In the same way, if you stop looking to the Lord and being filled by Him and walking with Him then you will dry up spiritually and be drained and will not be full of the things of the spirit. The moment you feel that you are putting something before God, you better stop and repent right there. The sooner you catch yourself the better. Do a weekly or daily heartcheck if you have to. Because once God is not the focus of your life and you are not being filled by Him, then you will become empty and selfish and then whatever your focus has been- you will start trying to be filled by that. Whether it be your spouse, your job, your hobbies, your goals, whatever. And when those things don't fill you up (which they won't), then you become bitter, angry, depressed, etc. Your love, joy, and thankfulness that you once had for your spouse, job, stuff, etc will be long gone. Trust me, I have been there and it is not a pretty thing.
It is so important that we keep an attitude of thankfulness, prayer, unconditional love, etc.

Ok, so over the past few weeks I have been doing "The Love Dare", listening to sermons on the Song of Solomon, randomly caught episodes on TV about love and marriage, randomly read scripture on love, and I have also been doing a personal study on attitude in which the part I have been on has been about not complaining and being thankful. It is so interesting how they all go together so well. The study I have been doing is called Lord Change my Attitude before it's Too Late and is by James MacDonald (I highly recommend the book so far, the bible study is great to go along with it as well but not my favorite kind of study). I have not gotten very far in this study as I read the first chapter in the book which is on not being a complainer and then did the first week study that went with that chapter and I got stuck there for quite a while. It was nice though. I wasn't trying to get through the study just to do it- which I can sometimes do with books. Instead I was meditating daily on what I had learned. I relaized how much of a complainer I was, shockingly so. So I have been working on that a lot. I finally, after weeks, have decided to move on to chapter two this week, which is on having a thankful attitude. It is crazy because we just had a love dare that was talking about being thankful and concentrating on the positive things and not the negative things in your marriage and spouse. It is funny because the reason I started doing this study a few months ago was because at one of the youth nights at church they mentioned quickly how important your attitude is. Now this was not the main point of the lesson that night, but for me it was. It sparked something in me. Attitude is key. Your life in your mind can only be seen with your eyes. How are you looking at things? We must CHOOSE to love, to learn, to give, to press on, to make the best of things, etc. We can not feel defeated or broken or lost or hopeless. We must choose to rise above. God gives us the strength and ability to choose to do this every day. So this study I started months ago, goes right in line with the basics for the Love Dare I am doing now and all the marriage stuff we are learning right along side it. Isn't God cool?

With the love dare we were challeneged to write down a list of all the positive and negative traits of our spouse. Then we were to burn the negative list and tell our spouse of one positive thing about them. It stressed the need for us to consume our thoughts with the good and rid our thoughts of the bad. Lead your mind to where it should live. I know that can be hard to do. Being married to someone causes you to get to know them in ways nobody else does. And living with them day in and day out can show a lot of rough spots and dinginess on that jewel you thought you had found that was so perfect. (In reality you prolly thought is was so perfect because you chose to see the good in that person and want to magnify that good in that person, and present your jewel as shiney and beautiful and wonderful.) In yesterdays love dare I found a great nugget- "Have you ever wondered why God gives you overwhelming insight to your spouse's hidden faults? Do you really think it's for endless nagging? NO, it is for effective kneeling. No one knows better how to pray for your mate than you." Wow, that is amazing. I never stopped to really think about that truth and let it soak in. Isn't that an awesome thought. How cool is marriage? God is so wise in his design. That when you are married to a Godly spouse, you have someone who was made and given especially to you, to get to know you and love you and see you in such a way that they can lift you up to the Father for blessings like no other. When you start to look at it like that, you kind of get excited- at least I did . I mean I said I wanted to help make my spouse the best he can be, all that God wants for him- so wouldn't God need to show me where he is lacking so that I can be of use? How can you pray for something or help encourage or change something that you don't know needs fixing? Is God showing me these faults because He wants me to stop loving Erick or love him any less? No, it is so I can do what I wanted to do in loving him- that is to make him better- help present him holy.

One thing I have always said about people getting married is that the two people should be better and stronger for God together then they are apart. We should be striving to make each other better every day. (in a very loving and Godly manner) We should be wanting the best for each other every day. We should know that our spouse is there looking out for us, trying to protect us and help us and guide us every day to make us better and not to make us feel bad and rip at our soul. Being so close to someone and knowing them in a way nobody else does and seeing their faults like nobody else also means that we can hurt and tear apart our spouse more than anyone else. So we need to be careful. We have a lot of power when it comes to our spouses. Are you building your spouse or tearing your spouse down?

Choose to love, have a thankful heart and attitude, keep your focus on God, pray continually, give joyfully....

Love is a Gift

Ok, I was going to post this blog last Wed. night but Erick reminded me that we needed to have our couple time for our fireproof study so I did that with him instead and then went to bed to get my much needed sleep. Then I just haven't been in the mood to write I guess. Anyway, so here we go; lets see if I can remember what i was so eager to write about last week, now it isn't as fresh on my mind or heart right now but I still want to write about it...

Since having the baby, I have had the TV on during the day a lot, which I never used to do. So I am catching a lot of daytime TV lately. The other day I was flipping through and caught some of Oprah and it happened to be on cheating men and why they do it and how to help prevent it from happening. (Random huh?) Anyway, they had an expert of some kind on the show talking about it, but I did not catch who it was. Of course he was saying a lot of the same things I have on this blog and have read in other places. One of the things I thought was interesting about this show was when they were talking about a woman's part in helping make sure her man doesn't stray (meaning make sure he knows you respect him- that's how men feel loved) and this one woman in the audience was like "it should not be up to the woman to have to make her man feel a certain way, I have enough on my plate I don't have time for anything else in my life." I heard that and I was like, whoa that lady totally doesn't get it. Now on the show they were explaining that of course it isn't up to the woman to make sure her man stays loyal and that men make their own choices and blah blah. But here was this lady totally missing what was being said. I mean she totally doesn't understand marriage at all. I mean what was she doing getting married if she had mo time to love her husband? When you get married you are pledging yourself to you spouse, to love them and to be faithful to them and to unite and share your entire life with this person. How can you say you don't have time to love them? What is a marriage if there is no acts of love towards each other? That just blew me away. I could have a lot more to say about this, but right now its just not flowing, maybe another time...

Anyway, something else from last week, the next day actually... I decided after taking Jacey to school that Taylor and I would go sit and starbucks and enjoy some time relaxing. I enjoyed a white mocha and some scripture. I randomly open up the bible trying to find what to read and I ended up in Ephesians (prolly cuz my bible has been open in that book many a times before so it happened there easily). I read Eph 2 and got a great nugget out of it. In verse 8 it is that classic verse on how we have been saved by grace and not by works and that it is a gift of God. Well reading this chapter this time in lieu of the marriage study we have been doing and the new nuggets I have been getting, I saw this verse in a new way. Isn't it great when that happens? Anyway, here is what I saw... If you look back at my last blog, I was talking about how love is not about the one being loved but about the one doing the loving and how we should be CHOOSING every day to be loving and to love our spouse unconditionally no matter what. Well, when I read how God saved us and it was a gift to us, I put those thoughts together. God is love and he gave himself to us, the greatest gift of all is for us to be close to Him, united with Him. The same way, the greatest gift we can give to our spouse is unconditional love. Our love is a gift. There is nothing our spouse does to earn our love, it just is. No matter what it will always be there for them, it is their gift to have and keep and we can not take it away from them. No givesbacksies!!! Your spouse should not be having to earn your love and if they are then you need to take a look at your relationship and your heart because what you are doing is prolly not loving. Love is not a thing that can be earned. Now if you think you are doing this or you feel you are having to earn love from your spouse, then you and your spouse need to sit down hand have a serious conversation and get your relationship back on track in a healthy place. I heard on that Oprah show that the avg couple only spends 12 min a day talking to each other. That is so crazy. Communication is so key in a marriage, in any relationship really. So please make it a point to communicate effectively and wisely and peaceably. So yeah that's a nugget God gave me last week through His word.

Day 10 Love Dare

Here is a great little nugget from this week.

On day 10 of the Love Dare it is talking about love and what love really is and why we love. It says how if we say we love our spouse because of some certain quality then when those qualities disappear so will your love. True love is not based off of that stuff, it is unconditional. The line that really grabbed me in this day was “love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love”. Man I love that! As I sat and thought about that statement, I become more in awe of God. God is love, and He first loved us. There is nothing in us that makes us loveable, but because of who He is, we are loved unconditionally. He chooses to love us and to reach out to us and redeem us and bring us closer to Him. What a loving God! We are to love the same way. We should love our spouse because we choose to love them not because of who or what they are for us or to us. We let the power of the love of God emanate through us and push us every day into a deeper loving commitment with each other.

Past Thoughts

Here is a post I wanted to share here from a previous note I wrote on facebook last fall...

If we just stay focused on God and serving others, then I believe a lot of our “problems” would go away. We wouldn’t be worrying about trying to impress anybody or prove ourselves, we wouldn’t be worried about making a name for ourselves, we wouldn’t be concentrated on what we can get out of whatever we are doing, etc. We are so personally driven and we don’t even realize it most of the time. The need to succeed crowds our minds and tempts our flesh. We grow up thinking that we deserve to have so much and that not having what we want is not an option. Many of us strive to get it at any cost. The goal here seems to be materials, power, wealth, knowledge, prestige, etc. Those things should never be our goal. Goals should be things like meeting the needs of our family and friends, providing good examples for our children, using our gifts to serve God and others, becoming more like Christ, etc. The moment something becomes more about us then it is about God, is the moment you need to stop and repent and either re-align yourself to what you are meant to be doing or stop the pursuit of it all together. When we let something become about us, it seizes control of us. We risk compromising things about ourselves in order to hold on to whatever we are vested in. Things like fear, power, money, and position start guiding our thoughts and decisions so we look out for ourselves. Black and white begin to fade to grey and we make excuses and try to justify actions that eventually lead us down a long, winding dark road. Keeping our focus will help us to resist temptations and sin. When we are not self-serving we will be less apt to anger, rudeness, gossip, depressed thoughts, worry, hurriedness, judgment and the like and we will be more apt to compassion, mercy, grace, love, joy, gentleness, peace, patience, self-control, etc. A good check to do every morning would be to see where you are, what state you are in. Are you depressed, joyful, on-edge, driven, anxious? Then, take the time to pray about your state of mind. Thank God for giving you the day to live and if you are in a good state, then thank Him for that as well and ask Him to show you how you can continue in that state today and use it for His glory. If you are in a bad state, then pray and ask God to reveal to you why and to release you from it’s hold. If we are depressed or angry then there is probably some fleshy reason for being so. We need to acknowledge what is causing us to lose our focus on God so that we can not let it have a foothold anymore. When the problem is revealed, make sure to take action towards getting it resolved. This may take time in some cases but at least for now you can hand it over to God and let the spirit start doing its work. When we leave sin unchecked, it takes root and before you know it you are consumed. So it is important to check ourselves daily for “what’s eating us” so that we don’t lead ourselves into actions and thoughts in which will lead us astray. Never think anything is too small to take to God for forgiveness or a heart-check. Once you have dealt with the sin, ask God for the fruits of the spirit to be upon you so that he can do a mighty work in you despite your imperfections and personal struggles.


Here is another one as well I want to share here...

I had thought of something earlier today (or rather God enlightened me) that though we might not be where we really want to be (or doing what we want to be doing) we are to realize the importance of where we are right now and see how that fits into who we are and what He wants to do.
As humans we are so much in the "I want it now" mind set and we get depressed when we cant have it.
But I was like, ya know, the day will come, there is plenty of time. I need to be content and serve where I am now. God has me here for a purpose

See I don’t really think its about what u are "doing" day in and day out, but where is your heart and your mind and your focus? No matter where you are and what you are doing, God is everywhere and u can be used everywhere. So where is He where you are? And finding Him there and serving Him in that, should make your heart content!

It was a nice revelation, well not so much a revelation, but a deeper understanding.

Since its not really about what we get out of something but what we are giving to God with our lives.
Its hard to think like that on a constant basis though, darn flesh.

Think about this... if we are not serving Him freely where we are when we don’t really want to be where we are- then will we really be able to serve Him when we have what we want and are distracted by it and consumed with it?

A love greater than Life

One of the songs used in worship today was a song about God being the greatest love you have. The key line for me in it is... "I've found a love greater than life itself". Now, every time I hear this song it sparks the same fuel in me to make the words it speaks obvious and true and forefront in my life. To just throw my hands up and say yes Lord, you are the hidden treasure, you are what I have been longing for my whole life, you are better than life and I would give and do all for you. Here is the song...

When I call on Your name (Love came down) by Ben Cantelon !!

lyrics
WHEN I CALL ON YOUR NAME You answer
When I fall You are there by my side
You delivered me out of darkness
Now I stand in the hope of new life

By grace I’m free
You’ve rescued me
All I am is Yours

I’ve found a love, greater than life itself
I’ve found a hope, stronger and nothing compares
I once was lost, now I’m alive in You

You’re my God and my firm foundation
It is You whom I’ll trust at all times
I give glory and praise, adoration
To my Saviour who’s seated on high

Love came down and rescued me
I thank You, I thank You
I once was blind but now I see
I see You, I see You.


Man how I love that song. Thank you Micah for doing such a great job of designing our worship experience Sundays. I want to take this song and live it, sing it out with my life, proclaim it daily with my words and actions in all that do. What about you? Is God the love of your life? Do you love God more than your life? If you think about what it menas to be a christian, then technically you cant be a christian without loving Him more than your life because we are called to give up our lives and follow Him. We are to pay ourselves at the cross and submit to His ways, His plans, His call. We are to trust Him and follow Him wholeheatedly. You can not love your life more then God and truly follow Him. So, have you found this love? This love worth your life? Have you been delivered out of darkness? Were you blind but now see? Is He your firm foundation? Is He your hope, your everything? I really hope that He is and that you do know this love, and if you do not, then I pray that you find it and that your eyes are open to see how good He is!

Now in referencing this to what we are studying at church, the Love Dare and Song of Solomon, in the Movie Fireproof, one of the key sayings in the movie is when Caleb says that he is frustrated with his wife because she is stubborn and even though he has been doing all this stufff for her to show her he still cares about their relationship, she still "spits in his face" about it. Meaning she doesnt care, notice, or change her feelings towards him. He asks how can he continually show love to someone over and over again if all they do is spit in your face and not accept it? Then his dad, showing him the cross, tells him how that is what he is doing to God. Caleb is not accepting God's love just the same way. And God is love. So if you do not have God's love then you can not truly love anyone. So how can he love his wife the way he needs to love her if he doesnt have the love inside him to do it? So right there he realizes his need for God and gives his life to Christ. I love this part in the movie, it is so pwerful the way they prtray it and my explaining of it here gives it no justice so I appologize for that, lol. But the message is so true. We can not do it without God! We can not love, truly love people without his power behind it. People get on our nerves, cause us problems, hurt our feelings, get in our way, etc. Especially at home with our spouses and family members who we live with day in and out and know how to push our buttons and hurt us the most. To be able to press on day after day, fight after fight, struggle after struggle, we need the love of God in our hearts. And we need to take that love and let it guide us into love and wise choices and not let our personal desires and needs get in the way. We need to choose to love no matter what our spouse deserves, for that is how God loves us. Christ died for us while we were "spitting in his face", and He still loves us today no matter where you are with Him. That love, that power is yours when you are in Him and with that power you to can love your spouse even when they dont deserve it for as long as it takes.

So do you hold on to His love like expressed in this song? Do you let this love guide you in all things? Do you put yourself aside every day and focus on His plan? Do you live like you know the greatest love and have the greatest hope? Do you feel alive?

Two Weeks and counting

Taylor is two weeks old today. She was born Jan 30, and weighed 7lbs 9.6oz. When we left the hospital she was down to 7lbs 1oz, which is normal for them to lose weight the first few days. Well at her check up a few days later she was down to 6lbs 7oz and they were a little worried about her, so we had to go back two days later to check her weight. At that appt she was back up tp 7lbs 5oz. So they were happy with that. We took her for her 2 wk checkup this morning and she still has not gained her birth weight back (which they should do by 2 wks). She is at 7lbs 7oz. So now we will have to go back again next week to get her weight checked again. Hopefully she will gain enough in the next week to make them happy. So pray that she eats well and gains a few oz by friday. Here are a couple 2 wk pics in an outfit my Aunt Lesley made for her.









Other than that, she is doing great! The past couple nights she hasn't slept as good as she had been, but I guess that's expected of a newborn. I am going to try to keep her from sleeping so well during the day so that maybe night will go a bit better again. So we will see how that works out.

Here is one more pic to enjoy of all the kids.

I did it!

This is a quick post to update some new info on my life. I recently took the Praxis test (TN teacher certification) to transfer my teaching certificates into TN from TX. Well I just found out yesterday that I passed both tests I took, the Physical Education content knowledge and the Health Education!!! So that is exciting. My Earth science certification transferred without me having to retake any test. So now I am ready to apply to a teaching job here in the state of TN. If I want to teach PE I still need to take one more PE test, but when I go back to teaching, my ideal job to take would be middle school health. So whenever the time is right and it is the Lord's will for me to get a teaching job again, then I am ready for it.

As of right now, I am enjoying my new baby girl at home. All is going well with us all here with the transition of the new little one. We look forward to what is in store the rest of this year. So far, so good for 2009.

Chrissy

Marriage tidbits

Ok, one of the things I will be writing about a lot on here will be Marriage. My husband and I have a huge passion for helping marriages recently and it is something we are praying about getting involved in more seriously. We have had quite a bumpy road in the past and God has done so much to bring us through it. We will be married 8 years in April but it has not been easy and we give God credit for us still being together.

Our church, LifePoint Church, in Smyrna TN just started a series on marriage and relationships. The pastor is going through Song of Solomon on Sunday mornings and all the small groups are going through Fireproof and the Love Dare. Now is you do not know what those last two are, they are studies that come from the movie Fireproof that came out last year. The movie is about a couple who is struggling in their marriage and in the midst of trying to get a divorce God uses people in their lives to intervene and restore their marriage. It is a powerful awesome movie and if you have not seen it I HIGHLY recommend doing so. We were excited that the church was doing this study and really wanted to be used in it so we decided to become a small group host. This will be our first time hosting a group and we are looking forward to it.

Anyway, it is funny how God works. Yesterday I was sitting around with my newborn, trying to get her to sleep so I randomly decided to turn on the TV to find something to entertain me while doing so. Now, we only have the basic 20 or so channels on cable right now and it was like 4:00 in the afternoon, so this was not an easy task, lol. As I was flipping I got to TBN (which I like barely watch) and saw Stephen Baldwin on there and decided to stop and watch a bit. Well, I am so glad I did. I ended up watching the whole hour of TV they had on there, the Praise the Lord show. It was a special valentine's day episode form last year I believe and it was great. Besides Stephen and his wife, they had another couple in ministry that I can't recall, and they had the author of Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, Mark Gungor. I got a lot of great little tidbits watching the show and all of it fits right in with our current study with Song of Solomon, Fireproof and Love Dare. Some of the things I gobbled up were:

1. Mark was talking about how specializes in helping women understand men and he went on to discuss what to do to get a man to do what you want.
a. tell him what you want
b. tell him more than once
c. don't embarrass him or put him down
He was saying that women have this idea in their head that "IF he really LOVES me then he will KNOW what I want or need". And I agree with that. We do seem to think that a lot, and unhealthily. We don't want to have to tell a man to do something or that we want something. We want him to know to do it and to want to do it. Mark says that guys don't know we want it and most likely they don't want to do it, lol. He went on to say that even after you tell him what you want, you will need to tell him again because most of the time he wont remember what you said. He mentioned how we as women will get all mad after telling him something and it not getting done; that we just get madder and madder convinced that he remembers and just isn't doing it. Which I agree with as well. I mean first off we don't want to have to tell him, and we finally break down and tell him. Then it still doesn't get done and we just can't take it. We start thinking negative thoughts towards our mates and building up all sorts of negative energy thinking that he was the one that is being negative to us first by ignoring us or not listening or not caring when really he just plum forgot or didn't hear you correctly the first time or didn't understand the urgency because we didn't relay it properly. It is interesting to hear that this is all a normal way for a man to act and it isn't just our husband treating us poorly or that we chose a bad apple, etc. For me, knowing that this is so common has opened me up to want to act and respond differently with my husband from now on and stop comparing him to other "ideals" I have in my head from TV, movies, other people, personal expectations, etc. Now just because there is a reason behind the madness doesn't excuse the behavior. I think we should still work together and communicate what is important to us and that we want him to try to listen better and respond quicker to the things we ask if it really bothers us that much. Marriage is hard work and takes a lot of communication, understanding and compromise. And it is about us helping each other to become better and holier and closer to God. If there is something we can do to inspire and encourage our mate to walk closer with God, then we should do it. But we need to go about it the right way. Now, when we tell him something and it doesnt get done and we get all mad and get to the point of putting him down, that really wont get anything accomplished, it will only put more of a rift between you two. As I have learned through lots of study and sermons and books, men crave RESPECT the most out of anything. When we respect them, they feel loved and cherished. If we go and put them down, call them names, embarrass them, etc then that is just ripping at the heart of who they are and will not encourage him to act and respond the way you want him to. Find a way to respect your man and see the changes that come. This is something I am going to be working on improving for our marriage. Mark also took these lessons and related them to our relationship with God. The bible talks about asking for what you want. Now God DOES KNOW what we want but He still requires us to ASK Him for it. And it talks about asking for things multiple times. Do we have a problem asking God for things? Do we hate having to ask over and over again? When we do not get what we want from God how do we respond? Do we put Him down and disrespect Him? Do we let it effect us as a person, change who we are, and turn away from him?

2. Another nugget I got from watching this show was how important it was to die to selfishness and pay attention to ourselves and not our mate when it comes to sin. It is that whole plank in your eye speck in his sort of thing. Stephen Baldwin's wife was talking about when they became born again. (in my words from what i remember) She was saved a year before he was and over that year she first told him that she was now following Christ no matter what he chose to do and then from there she prayed for him. As she would learn things in her journey, she would keep noticing his sinful life and be looking at him until one day she got to the point where she realized how "ugly" she was, how sinful her life was in itself and she knew that she didn't need to look at anyone else but herself and work on cleansing herself in Jesus. From then on , she just focused on her life in Jesus and being who she was to be in Him and eventually from that her husband was won over to the Lord. You know we can't change anyone but ourself; and really only God can even do that. As we submit ourselves daily to Him and walk in His ways, we will be molded to His image. But to do that we must do away with ourself, we must lay down everything we are and everything we hold on to and lay ourselves at His feet to be used however He desires. In this there is no more pointing of fingers, demandingness, grudges, hate, and self-pitty. There is love, peace, forgiveness, patience, and submission. I think to even attempt to get #1 above down right we must get this down first. When we get out of the way and stop being selfish and focusing on our fleshy needs and desires and start just serving God, it should be much easier to deal with our mates. Instead of caring and focusing so much on how our mate is making us feel, we will just do what we need to do to get done what needs to be done- work on our personal walk with Jesus, love our mate, and live our life. Take the focus off ourselves and put it on the situation at hand.

3. Which brings me to yet another point. Mark stated how what women want is just to be chosen. He compared a woman's life to a junior high dance. Where all the girls are standing around just waiting and longing to be the one chosen to dance. He went on to say that at a wedding it is a big celebration of that being chosen. The girl gets all pretty and her friends celebrate with her that she was chosen. They are so happy for her but envious at the same time. I totally agree with this truth. I have heard this sort of thing from many a sermon and books too, but I also know it to be true in my own life. How we long to be special, important, needed, desired, noticed, and chosen as women. Even my young daughter is always spinning around the room dancing saying look at me, look at me. Mark goes on to say that when we get married we are so excited that we were chosen but then soon after that it seems like he stops choosing us. Our men get consumed by other things in their life besides pursuing us and we feel left out and unloved. We just want to continually know that we are being chosen. So taking this truth together with everything stated above, can you see the problem? We as women need to watch our motives. I know in my case I probably make more of my own messes and stress than I realize. I am sure there are times when I make up something that needs to be done and make it feel like such a big deal if it doesn't, when in reality, subconsciously, I am just seeking a way for my husband to show me that he loves me, that he listens to me, that he chooses me, that I am important. So when he fails to respond how I want him to, Satan has a perfect foothold and I am drawn into that self-pitty, pointing fingers, hateful mentality that will destroy our marriage. When you ask something of your husband or wish something of him, what is it that you are really seeking? What kind of need are you trying to fill? Is it love? or Is it productiveness in something? If your goal is to get the house cleaned, then dont make it about you- make it about the house. If your husband doesnt jump at cleaning, don't take personal offense to it. I mean come on, we dont like cleaning the house either most likely. If your goal is to have a break and de-stress yourself, then dont make it about how well something gets done or doesn't get done while he is in charge. Be happy that you had time to yourself like you wanted and don't complain about everything else. When we talk to our mates and ask something of them, we should be specific in what we are asking for and what our desired result is. If it is something that we really need for ourselves and we want to be loved through it, then explain that. If we just need something to get done then explain that and why it is important and what result we want from it.

Now i know this all seems easy enough; but dont get mad at me women, cuz I know personally how hard it is. I am one of the worst at doing all this the wrong way, lol. These are all things I need to work on in my personal walk as well as my marriage and if any of you out there want to jump in we can help each other and spur each other on to being better wives in these ways. You husbands out there reading this as well can do the same for what is relevant to you. Try to show her every day that you still chose her.

So here is a challenge for the week even though it's already Tuesday. Ladies ask for what you want or need from your man and explain it properly and Fellas listen to your wives and respond quickly.

Now there was so much more I got out of that show and other things like the sermon Sunday and the studies and personal revelations, that I could just go on all day. But I will stop now (though that is tough to do) and save them for another time as this has become quite long. I hope you enjoyed reading this and will continue to stop by for other blogs. Have a blessed day

In His Grip
Chrissy

My Blog

OK, so this is my first real blog attempt. I have written "blogs" on myspace and facebook but they were really more just updates and such. I am starting this blog to share more of my thoughts, insights, struggles, etc as well as life updates. I am hoping that it can be used to bless, inspire, encourage, awaken, refresh, and point others to a life centered on Jesus. I am far from perfect and I dont have all the answers I need or anyone else needs, but I am willing to share the things God is teaching me and my journey with Him and how He is molding me to be more like Him. I look forward to any comments and stories from those of you who read.

In His grip,
Chrissy